Pulling a Raine In cooking!
by Ghost of Ivan
Summary: Weird title I know. But it just means that it shows how everyone fails in cooking, somehow. Yes, I will be doing Genis, Regal and Raine, seeing as they're badgood cooks. My first ToS fic, and contains Spoilers. KratosLloyd, kinda. NO not that way, perv.
1. Lloyd makes Spaghetti

Pulling a Raine- In cooking!

A Ghost of Ivan fic

Goi: Hi all! This fic was inspiresd by me failing at cooking!

Erk: You fail at making pakaged goods.

GoI: So? I don't read it thoroughly enough.

Ivan: Sigh... GoI owns nothing at all.

GoI: This fic is basically how everyone fails at cooking. The First chapter is with Lloyd!

---

"Okay everyone, who's turn is it to cook?" Ask a short Half-elf, or rather, Genis.

"Um... it was... Um... the order is:

Lloyd, Kratos, Colette, Regal, Presea, me, Genis, Raine, then Zelos." Said a summoner, or Sheena.

"Aw, come on! Why am I first!" Asked a twin swordsman named Lloyd.

Genis sighed and said, "It's by last names, moron."

"But my last name is Irving! I does not come before A!"

Suddenly, Lloyds teacher, Raine, came in and said, "Lloyd! It's a miracle! You know your ABCs!"

Genis sighed again and said, "No Lloyd, your last name is Aurion."

Kratos burst out into tears when he realized his son didn't like his true last name, thinking it means he didn't like him. (OK, that was just for humor. I love Kratos too! But not in that way, y'know?)

Lloyd then, realizing his dad didn't think he liked him, started to comfort him, "Its ok, dad. I was just so used to being called 'Irving', it became habit."

Kratos then got better and returned to his elitist-asshole-who-criticizes-everything-everyone-does self.

Lloyd looked up from his father and said, "Ok, what am I going to make today?"

Genis, looking at everyone else, said, "Lets ask."

LATER...

Genis was standing at a podium which magically appeared, and said, "Ok guys, we need to decide on the food we want! We have the ingredients for... Sandwiches, Spaghetti, Fruit Cocktail, Tenderloin, Shortcake, Steak, and Beef Stew. We'll vote on which one we want. I'll vote for Spaghetti."

Lloyd looked at Genis crossly and said, "When we get to a town, your getting a swirly. And I vote for steak... Mmm... Steak..."

Kratos then voted next, "I think Steak is a good choice, knowing Lloyds cooking... and mine, in a way."

Colette voiced her opinion, "I think Shortcake is good! I love what Lloyd cooks!" Everyone sweatdropped.

Regal then voted, "I would like Beef Stew."

Presea voiced her opinion, "I would like Spaghetti."

Sheena said her thoughts, "I think Steak would be a good choice."

Raine added her wisdom, "I would like Spaghetti."

Genis said, "Ok, the final totals are: sandwiches-0. Spaghetti-3. Fruit Cocktail-0. Tenderloin-0. Shortcake-1. Steak-3. Beef Stew-1."

Zelos, for the first time in this fic, whined, "Hey! What about me!"

Genis looked at him crossly and said, "Your too stupid to vote... but you'll have to seeing as it's a tie."

Zelos grinned and said, "I vote for... Spaghetti!"

Lloyd's and Kratos' eyes widened. Main ingredient for Spaghetti Tomatoes.

Genis said, "Okay then! Looks like it's Spaghetti!"

Lloyd walked off to the kitchen and Kratos followed him. Presea blocked the kitchen, "Kratos. It's not your turn to cook."

Kratos thought a while and said, "I need to see that Lloyd makes no mistakes."

Presea considered it, then said, "Very well."

Kratos, once inside the kitchen area, rushed to Lloyd. "Lloyd! You aren't going to do this, are you!"

Lloyd looked at Kratos and grinned. "Of course I am, Kratos!" he said, but added, "However, I have a trick."

Kratos looked interested. "What is it?" he asked.

Lloyd whispered something in Kratos' ear, and they both had small chuckles.

Lloyd then went to the cooking. He first read "The ultimate Spaghetti Recipe- By Genis Sage"

1. First, boil a bowl with water in it.

2. Then, add the noodles.

3. Add some onions when the noodles cook.

4. Put the noodles with onions in them into a bowl. Remember to Drain the water first.

5. Add Tomato Sauce.

6. Add any extra flavorings.

7. Taste test it; use Zelos.

8. If Zelos is still alive, swear and serve. If Zelos is dead jump for joy and throw out the dish.

Lloyd followed the instructions carefully, except putting in his own 'twist' to it. And also, Kratos and Lloyd had tested it. They found it Delicious.

Lloyd and Kratos walked out into the serving area, and served the food. Genis, expecting some nice Spaghetti, saw what Lloyd had cooked. It was Spaghetti, all right. Except for one thing. **There was _no_ Tomato sauce!** Genis looked at Kratos and Lloyd, who were eating it like it's the best thing in the world. So Genis took a bite, and what he found was the most perfectly cooked tasty noodles in existance. But he liked it with the Tomato sauce. So he didn't really like it.

Everyone else took a bite.

Raine thought that this was 'a marvelous twist in spaghetti.'

Sheena thought that 'it would have been better with tomato sauce.'

Zelos thought 'is this noodles or spaghetti? I can't tell."

Colette thought 'Do I really like Lloyd's cooking? Yup, I do!'

Genis thought 'It was certainly strange... at least better than Raine's twists in cooking.'

Regal thought 'Strange. Should this be a new recipe?'

Presea thought 'It is... very flavorlessly tasty.'

Kratos thought 'Absolutly desicious! That's my son!'

Overall, Kratos was the only one who really liked Lloyd's 'Spaghetti'. Everyone else thought it was meh, but tasty.

---

GoI: What an interesting twist, eh? Spaghetti- with no sauce! haha.

Erk: That was a weird twist.

Ivan: I agree.

Kratos: Why am I here?

GoI: Geez, I feel so loved... and Kratos your here because you're cool.

Kratos: Oh... you suck, GoI. But that plot twist was great.

GoI: Well duh. You hate Tomatoes.

Kratos:...

Ivan: Also, in this story, When Lloyd says 'Dad' he means Dirk, but when he says 'dad' he means Kratos

GoI; Well, R&R, I guess. But I'll update this quickly... I think.


	2. Kratos makes Beef Stew

Pulling a Raine- In cooking!

A Ghost of Ivan fic.

Ch. 2- Kratos and food

GoI: I'm back! Didja miss me?

Kratos: You just posted the damn story, of course they didn't.

GoI: Geez... you like to rub it in...

Kratos: hmm...

GoI:Kratos you'll do Review Responses.

Kratos: ... Fine...

Storm- Do you? I thought it was strange because, well, I always eat my spaghetti with the sauce, so I wouldn't know how it tastes without it. Sorry if I offended you, I didn't mean it. Also, I don't know if you were laughing at the story or something else, but glad you think (whatever) is funny.

Ivan: GoI doesn't own anything-

Erk: At all.

Ivan: HEY! I'M supposed to be the mind reader here!

Erk: I was guessing. So I was lucking. Which is weird considering my luck stat sucks.

GoI: Shut up both of you! Onto the story, then.

---

The next day, and after Lloyd gave Genis his Swirly, they had to cook. Again. Only this time Regal had bulging bags of money. And it was Kratos' turn to cook. They once again had the poll, except instead of Spaghetti they could have Pork Cutlets and instead of Tenderloin they could have Potato Salad.

Lloyd and Kratos voted for Pork Cutlets. Everyone else voted for Beef stew. Care to guess why?

Kratos muttered under his breath, "Damn... Beef Stew has tomatoes. Think Kratos, think..."

Lloyd walked up to Kratos. "Another Tomato dish, eh?"

Kratos sighed sadly and said, "Yeah..."

Lloyd showed a small smile and said, "Don't worry dad, I'll help you."

Kratos looked at his son... and they had a fathersonmomentwhichIdon'tknowhowtodocuzIsuckatthis.

They walked into the kitchen area and got to work. As Kratos started prepareing the Beef Stew, Lloyd got an idea. "I got it!" Lloyd shouted to noone in particular.

Kratos looked at his son and said, "What?"

Lloyd rummaged through some cabinets and found what he was looking for... THE SECRET INGREDIENT!

Kratos gasped. "Dammit, why didn't I think of that?"

Lloyd shrugged his shoulders and handed Kratos... THE SECRET INGREDIENT!

As Kratos made his Beef Stew by instinct, but adding... THE SECRET INGREDIENT! Instead of Tomatoes, and he came out with the tomato-less Beef Stew. Lloyd and Kratos tasted it. It tasted like something else... with a hint of Sweet bitterness. They served it in the serving area.

As Lloyd and Kratos served, they were pleased on the inside. When everyone got their stew, they started eating it like it was the best thing in the world.

Everyone stared at it... it didn't seem to different... but they knew it was anyway.

They all took a bite... and they found out what... THE SECRET INGREDIENT! Was!

THE SECRET INGREDIENT, was... KELP!

How did Lloyd come up with Kelp? It's quite simple. You see, Seafood and Meat stew have Kelp as a primary ingrediant, meaning that Kelp seems to be an ordinary ingredient in stew. After taking the tomatoes out, the Beef Stew is basically Meat Stew, this is, of course, after adding in the Kelp.

Lloyd thought 'It's the best thing I ever tasted! Like father, like son, eh?'

Everybody else thought 'Is this strange tasting Meat Stew?'

So, basically, Everyone but Lloyd and Kratos disliked Kratos' Beef Stew... or rather, Meat Stew. Well, if it was Meat stew they would of liked it, but it was Beef Stew.

---

GoI: Another weird Chapter!  
Kratos: Damn, You're making Lloyd smart!

Erk&Ivan: (still arguing)

GoI: Um... yeah. R&R, please?


	3. Colette makes Fruit Cocktail

Pulling a Raine- in cooking!

A Ghost of Ivan fic

Ch. 3- the fruit mishap

Goi: Okay! Sorry for the loooooooooong break... but I had... uh... Writers Block!

Kratos: Stop using that as an excuse for being lazy.

Ivan: Yeah it's cliche'd

GoI:Yeah yeah...

---

This time, when wandering through the Triet desert (Looking for the Soul Eater), the group was going to die of thirst, so there was little choice on what to make- Fruit Cocktail, duh. Fortuanately, (Doubt it) it was Colette's turn to cook. After setting up an area to cook Colette started to hum as she cooked.

Much later, however Colette was nearly done. She was at the part where she had to add fruits (...), but she was having trouble...

"A lemon... I don't think it's a fruit." She said as she tossed it and it hit Genis on the head, knocking him out.

Next she saw a Pineapple. "I KNOW that's a fruit!" She cut it up and threw the top of it where she threw the lemon... but it hit Sheena instead.

"HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME, PINEAPPLE!" She said as the started crying everyone backed away.

" Tomatoes are... nah, I think they're vegetables." She threw it, and it hit the ground between Lloyd and Kratos, it splattered on them and they started to run around screaming.

" A Peanut? What the hell?" She threw that, and it hit Raine in the head, knocking her out. And there was much rejoicing. (Yay...)

" What kind of food is this?" She, regardless, chopped up the fruit, a Kirima, and added it to her drink... thing.

"No way I'm adding this!" Tossing the Amango, where it flew into Regals mouth and cut his tounge.

" Ooh! I LOVE limes!" , she said as cutting up the Lime and into the pot.

Next, she found a TV screen with the word 'Lemon' on it. She looked confused and turned it on. Needless to say, she was scarred for life after seeing what was on the TV and throwing it while screaming. Ironicly, it landed in front of Zelos, who started to drool at it as Lloyd bumped into it, knocking it into Zelos, who got his face in the screen.

After that, she found another TV, but it said the word 'Lime' on it, she didn't even turn it on, she just threw it. It landed on Zelos. Ouch. But there was much rejoicing. (Yay...)

After a long debate with herself, Colette was finally done. She was bringing the food out when she tripped on air and it fell on top of her, the she got up, slipped on the mixture, the hit Lloyd, who hit Kratos, who hit Zelos who had just gotten put from the two TVs, who hit Genis, which made him concious again. Genis, being the only one concious, said, "Form a torrential vortex and engulf these evil spirits! TIDAL WAVE!"

Everyone woke up, except for Zelos, who was dieing from electricution. It turned out Presea was asleep. The WHOLE time.

---

GoI: Bad chapter I know. BUT! I have a good idea for Regal's Chapter!

Erk: It's bad.

Ivan: Really bad.

Kratos: It just sucks.

Leon: Really...

Judas: Bad.

GoI: -.- Thanks for the confidence booster. R&R.


End file.
